Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It also should have been my due date.
When I had a miscarriage in March, I decided to share it. We even ended up telling friends about the miscarriage who hadn’t known yet that we were pregnant. What struck me most about sharing about my miscarriage was how many women responded that they had also experienced miscarriage. It was comforting. It reassured me that miscarriage is “normal” though obviously I wished it wasn’t. The commonness of the experience provided assurance that it wasn’t something I had done wrong or not done well enough that caused the miscarriage.
I’m glad I decided to share my story. It helped to hear other women’s stories. Also, my friends couldn’t provide comfort or support if I didn’t tell them what I was going through, even if that telling was hard. I’m not saying everyone has to be open about pregnancy loss but I do think the default is often not to mention it because it’s hard or because it makes you vulnerable.
Random thoughts on miscarriage: It’s a real loss and can have real grief accompanying it. Don’t discount that.
After my miscarriage, the best thing a friend told me was that she was ready to punch anyone in their mother-f*cking face who says something idiotic about this being God’s plan because she believed instead that God is heartbroken and angry and devastated that his daughter is hurt and heartbroken and devastated. That seems like the type of God I believe in.